In March of 2017, my entire life was in the shitter. A mere month after my medication-induced mania with psychosis (a delightful pairing!) and my uncle’s suicide attempt, I did what any mentally/emotionally-strained millennial would do: get a Mental Breakdown Haircut and make a finsta. To clarify, I didn’t jump into memes just to steep in my despair and self-loathing. I wanted to channel my turmoil into something that felt equal parts cathartic and productive. I needed to make some form of creative content to keep my brain busy—to feel like I was moving, even if I didn’t feel like I was moving forward. Under the guise of “manicpixiememequeen” (and originally utilizing a pseudonym of “Josie”), I began making memes about how wretched my life was.
And then it went viral.
The niche meme community took me in stride; bigger accounts quickly began to follow and repost me, and by the time I could catch my breath, I had a following that could not sustain anonymity. My brother started calling me “Hannah Memetana,” which was a total compliment. That July, I “came out” as manicpixiememequeen. Continuing to make memes about lighthearted topics like mental illness, the patriarchy, capitalism, relationship issues, and the increasingly complicated navigation of modern society, my account continued to grow, and I realized that while I loved to believe that I was special enough to be alone in all of my crazy and nasty feelings, a lot of other people also had these crazy and nasty feelings, and these feelings weren’t crazy or nasty at all.
On our personal Instagram accounts, we curate perfect pictures with perfect captions, highlight our most impressive achievements, share our most FOMO-inducing adventures on our stories, post photos with the right filter at the right angle at the right moment—we even take into consideration that wretched Instagram algorithm! We present very tactfully constructed versions of ourselves. On @manicpixiememequeen, I don’t do that. In fact, I set out to do the opposite of that. Naturally, I’m a chronically neurotic, anxious, and depressive individual, and I make content about that. With being honest about who I am and staying true to how I’m feeling, it builds this unique space that allows people to openly discuss aspects of society, their lives, or themselves that aren’t so Gram-worthy or picturesque, and in all of this, we have the incredible opportunity to actually connect with each other, instead of being tied up in our ultra-competitive, synthetic digital world.
My profile currently has over 149,000 followers on Instagram, which is absolutely wild. Clearly, I’m not the only person in the world struggling with mental health issues or having some difficulty navigating the absurdity of modern society. While my brain loves to tell me, “No one really understands!” and then I perceive my own self-imposed isolation, the evidence against this is in the numbers—the audience, the engagement on the posts, the hundreds of messages I receive from people across the globe telling me that they relate so much to my page and they’re grateful for the content I make. Social media was supposed to be an antidote to isolation, not the cause. We have a responsibility to be authentic, to connect with each other, and to lift each other up in our worst “I’m Cutting My Own Bangs In My Bathroom At 2am” moments. Because a lot of us have been there. And then we had to consult a therapist. And a hairdresser.
Humor is underrated. It can be one of the most powerful vehicles for understanding and healing. The easier these things are to talk about, the more we will discuss them, which will in turn break down the barriers that prevent understanding and empathy. Memes make difficult topics accessible for discussion, and they provide a sense of community and healing for the viewers. Especially with memes that discuss mental illnesses and societal structures/injustices, it helps breaking down the inherent stigma casted on those who are ill and/or oppressed. If we can get a laugh out of our darkest moments and create a conversation about how we as a society can better serve each other, what more can you ask for? Get ready to be vulnerable and have a good fucking time doing it!
Stay witchy & bitchy, y'all!
—Cori Amato Hartwig, aka @manicpixiememequeen
This blog post has been reposted from manicpixiememequeen.com.
